You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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