are you still at the devil's house?
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
