Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
