The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I need to sanitize my soul.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Randomize
