Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
I intend to get homeless drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
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