Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
