What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Randomize
