2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
two words...techno handjob
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Randomize
