My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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