we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
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