I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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