You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
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