why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
Randomize
