The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
