My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
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