That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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