Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
