I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Randomize
