I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
This can only be settled by a dance off.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
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