haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
