Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
