Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
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