WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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