i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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