please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
