the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
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I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
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It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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