Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
there is glitter all over my balls
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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