You smell like a Billy Joel song
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Randomize
