i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Randomize
