All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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