her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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