Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
