Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
