Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
