My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
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