i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
