I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Randomize
