Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
