my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
