i'm signing you up for texting rehab
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Randomize
