so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
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