His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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