i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Randomize
