im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize
