you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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