Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
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