Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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