So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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