you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
