I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
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