oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
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