I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
