ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
