i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
