so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
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