I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
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