You don't have asthma, your pregnant
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize