god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
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