so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
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