Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
