In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
