I love black thongs
You're so nebulous sometimes
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
people are starting to question the shark bite story
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Randomize
