my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
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