Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
