So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Randomize
