I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Randomize
