She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
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its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
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Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
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