its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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