its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
