My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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